Trump Launches War with Iran and Refuses to Explain... Anything | The Daily Show
In this video
Jon Stewart's TDS Welcome
Welcome to The Daily Show.
Man, very kind of you.
We got a great one
for you tonight.
My name is Jon Stewart.
Later on, I will be
talking with just
the most incredible
director, fabulous director,
Iranian director.
Jafar Panahi will be joining.
[CHEERING]
Right now he's got
an Oscar-nominated film
called It Was Just
an Accident, which
explores the trauma of living
under an oppressive,
censorious, theocratic
dictatorship.
I'm not going to tell
you how it ends, but--
[LAUGHTER]
Hey, we're back!
It's Monday!
And while we had originally
planned a different show--
[LAUGHTER]
--I thought it would be
a kind of a trenchant,
really superbly witty episode
on the unforeseen economic
effects of government subsidies
on well-intentioned social
service programs.
It was gonna be a banger.
[LAUGHTER]
That was Friday.
And a lot has blown
up since then,
as America has
once again returned
to the only east we can't
get enough of exploding--
the middle one.
In our 20-year
recurring segment--
Nothing bad can happen.
It can only good happen.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
[CHEERING]
I've missed you,
"Mess O'Potamia."
Early Saturday morning,
America and Israel launched
Trump & Israel Launch Surprise War on Iran
a surprise war against Iran.
I call it a surprise
war because here's
what one of the mediators said
after negotiations on Friday.
I am confident
and in my assessment of the way
the talks are going.
The peace deal is
within our reach.
Oh, the peace deal
is within our reach.
But it turns out the Bomb
Shit button was much closer.
[LAUGHTER]
The devastating effects
of a regional war
have made everyone very nervous
and one person very happy.
INTERPRETER: This enables
us to do what I have
long hoped to do for 40 years.
What?
[LAUGHTER]
I've had four decades
of regime change blue balls.
[LAUGHTER]
But of course, the announcement
that our nation is at war
is the most solemn moment
of any president's tenure
and an opportunity
to reassure an anxious nation
and to reaffirm
the righteousness of the cause.
A short time ago,
the United States
military began major
combat operations in Iran.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
Can I just jump
in here real quick?
Um.
This is how we're doing this?
2:00 AM Mar-a-Lago
basement, no lighting?
You don't even have one of
those influencer halo things?
[LAUGHTER]
You [BLEEP] go down
in the basement?
And this is what we're wearing?
Blazer, no tie,
shirt unbuttoned?
Looking more like
the father of the bride
settling up with the caterer?
Is that what we're doing?
And not to nitpick,
obviously, but baseball hat?
[LAUGHTER]
We're going with a baseball
hat for a war of choice?
Oh, I'm going to go down
and make my war announcement.
Don't forget the hat I got you
at the airport souvenir store!
[LAUGHTER]
It's bigger than your head.
Put it on.
[LAUGHTER]
It goes great in the dark!
[LAUGHTER]
Jeez.
[BLEEP], man.
You had all the options.
It's a war of choice.
You could have done this at the
White House in a suit in the "I
killed bin Laden" hallway.
But no.
You decided to go with
vacation house, trucker hat,
guy who was about to make
an announcement at his club's
member-member tournament.
It's classy.
Reminds me of FDR's "day that
will live in infamy" speech.
[LAUGHTER]
(IMITATING FDR) We have nothing
to fear but glare in my eyes.
[LAUGHTER]
But at the very least, we
should at least be thankful
that the hat is on forwards.
[LAUGHTER]
(IN SERIOUS VOICE) We're
taking our nation to war.
(IN SILLY VOICE) Wazzup?
[LAUGHTER]
All right.
I'll give you a Mulligan.
Come back tomorrow, dressed
for the war you want.
And then you can
give us perhaps
a more sober launching
of this incredibly
consequential moment.
The United States
and its partners
have launched
Operation Epic Fury.
I'm going to jump
in right there, please.
[LAUGHTER]
Epic Fury?
Is this a war, or did
the Paul brothers
launch another energy drink?
[LAUGHTER]
Stop letting
the millennials name shit.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I got off track.
How did Operation
Epic Fury start?
REPORTER: This
morning, the US and
Israel launching a major
widescale daytime attack
on Iran.
Smoke seen rising
near government
offices and Supreme
leader Ayatollah Ali
Khamenei's residence.
Oh, that's got
to rattle Khamenei.
Although, Khamenei's
got to be on high alert.
I mean, I doubt he's anywhere
near a location that obvious,
given the advanced
surveillance he's
been under from American
and Israeli intelligence.
REPORTER: This is
the moment that
officials say the 86-year-old
ayatollah was killed.
He stayed in his house?
Old people are
so [BLEEP] stubborn.
[LAUGHTER]
It's like, agh!
[APPLAUSE]
They really are.
Like, you cannot
tell them anything.
Sir, please.
You are in danger here.
I'm not leaving.
[LAUGHTER]
This is my house.
I didn't ask you to stay.
You can go.
I'm staying.
What are they going to do?
[LAUGHTER]
[BLEEP] that guy.
By the way, there he
was, martyred at 86.
Man, are the virgins
going to be disappointed.
[LAUGHTER]
I'm sorry.
Am I-- am I going
too hard on Khamenei?
[LAUGHTER]
[BLEEP] murderous dictator?
Like, whoa.
[LAUGHTER]
Don't make fun of his
erectile dysfunction.
[LAUGHTER]
That's a bridge
too far, Stewart.
Guy [BLEEP] mowed
down his own people.
But, you know, Viagra
is a serious drug.
[LAUGHTER]
No.
America apparently
had to start an entire
war to kill an 86-year-old man
in ill health and not wait--
I don't know-- three weeks to
let saturated fat do its thing.
Iran Attacks Back, Hits U.S. Military Bases
But just so you know, Israel
and America made their move,
and now Iran will
make their move.
REPORTER: Iran is widening
the scope of its response
this morning.
Neighbors across the region
dragged into the chaos.
REPORTER: Attacks
at multiple bases,
including those in Iraq, Saudi
Arabia, Jordan and Qatar.
REPORTER: Kuwait, Bahrain,
the United Arab Emirates.
REPORTER: Basically
the whole of the Gulf.
REPORTER: It's also fired
on Europe for the first time,
aiming at Cyprus.
What?
Cyprus?
I don't even know
where that is.
Is Cyprus even
on that risk board?
I don't even think
it's around there.
[LAUGHTER]
So wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Let me get this straight.
America and Israel attack Iran.
And Iran's answer is to just
[BLEEP] attack everybody.
[LAUGHTER]
You know, having been in a bar
fight or two in my life,
I'm pretty sure
the worst thing you
can do during a two-on-one
beatdown is slap everyone else.
[LAUGHTER]
Hey, hey, not every part
of me is getting punched.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Hey, you!
For more on the situation
in Iran, we go live to Istanbul
Jordan Klepper Weighs in on the Attack on Iran
with our very own
Jordan Klepper.
Jordan.
Nice to see you, sir.
[CHEERING]
How are you?
[CHEERING]
Yes, yes.
Thank you, Jon.
I'm in Istanbul
right now, which
is not in Iran, but close
enough to kind of look
like I am if you squint.
What's the latest
over there, Jordan?
I'll tell you
the latest, Jon.
We're [BLEEP] back.
USA!
And Israel.
USA!
And Israel.
Oh, feels so good
to be back at war.
Those four weeks since
Venezuela were so boring.
Oh, man, things were
so dull, we had to pretend
to care about hockey.
[LAUGHTER]
Dark stuff.
I think it's clear
this is exactly
why America voted for Trump.
Yeah, but is it,
though, Jordan?
I mean, I seem to remember
Trump saying he was
explicitly against new wars.
Well, Jon, you're
very old, and
your memory is cascading down a
long, dark road into oblivion.
[STAMMERING]
I don't necessarily
disagree with that,
but I believe I have a clip.
No new wars.
No new wars.
We don't need the wars.
Hmm.
You know what?
That's not how I remember it.
I'm pretty sure this
is what he said.
New wars.
New wars.
We need the wars.
Ho, ho, ho.
[LAUGHTER]
Seems pretty cut and dry.
Or do you not believe
your own eyes, Jon?
No.
[STAMMERING]
[LAUGHTER]
You edited that?
Really?
Really?
Oh, you look--
I was at a rally
during the campaign
and watched him say this.
Me like-- me
like-- me like-- war.
That makes me rock hard.
Ho, ho, ho.
Hey, Jon.
[LAUGHTER]
Hey, John boy.
Do you like apples?
And can you say yes
so I can insult you?
[LAUGHTER]
Yeah, sure, I like--
Well, how do you
like them apples?
All right.
[LAUGHTER]
No, no, you don't deserve that.
It's not that clever.
You walked right
into that one, dummy.
Jordan, the location changed
on every syllable of that clip.
There's no way you
watched him say that.
You know what?
Trump thought you
might say that, which
is why he also said this.
You are wrong.
John, Jordan
watched me say this.
He is a beautiful guy.
Also, every time I think about
Jordan, it makes me rock hard.
[LAUGHTER]
I really don't think
that Donald Trump talked
about how you arouse him.
Oh, he thought you
might say that, too, John.
No, no, Jordan, look,
the concern for me
is that Trump doesn't
seem to have a plan here.
Yeah, exactly.
Why do you think we've lost
every war since Vietnam?
We had a plan.
This time, Trump's doing the
sensible thing and just [BLEEP]
winging it.
No, you can't just wing it.
You can't wing a war!
Yeah, yeah, you can.
Just come up with it
on the spot like jazz.
Skibbidi bop bop, drone strike.
Skibbidi whoa, whoa,
Tomahawk missile.
Salt peanuts, salt peanuts,
inevitable sectarian violence,
jazz hands.
[LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE]
No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Look, we've been scarred
by arrogant American action
that has led to unforeseen
consequences and
ultimately, defeat.
That's a negative attitude.
If the gold medal hockey
team had that attitude,
we wouldn't have won.
Best day of my life.
You just said two minutes ago
that you were only pretending
to care about hockey.
Not how I remember it.
Pretty sure this
is what I said.
I'll tell you, John, feels
good to care about USA Hockey,
so, so good.
It makes me rock hard.
[LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE]
John, I forget.
You said you were
a fan of apples, right?
Jordan Klepper, everybody.
Thank you so much.
[CHEERING]
Now look, the interesting
thing about this war, which
President Trump Ignores Iran Questions
just started, was
that it was clearly
a long time in the planning.
And yet, the American people
have heard very little
that is consistent about
the war's justification or
ultimate aims.
In fact, the normally
loquacious president
had an opportunity with the
National Press on Sunday night
after flying back
from Mar-a-Lago
to the White House,
where I'm sure he'd
want to clarify the public's
uncertainty and reassure us.
President Trump tonight came
home from the White House.
He usually stops
and talks to the press.
He completely ignored
us, instead stopped and
admired some new
statues that were being
put into the Rose Garden.
Come on.
That's fake news.
He's not a doddering
Mr. Magoo, having
full-on conversations with
inanimate, sculpted bronze.
[LAUGHTER]
Did you know
the founders were
14-feet tall and so smooth?
By the way,
if the president isn't
being forthcoming
in a time of war,
it's not his power
to declare war anyway.
Where's Congress on this?
REPORTER: The house
is set to vote
on the War Powers
Resolution on Thursday.
This coming Thursday?
[LAUGHTER]
Thursday, Monday, Thursday.
You're going to vote Thursday.
The war already
[BLEEP] happened.
This is Trump's
whole presidency.
He does whatever
the [BLEEP] he wants.
And then a few days later,
Congress is like, excuse me.
Roll your window down.
Excuse me, excuse me, sir,
roll your window down.
Excuse me.
Excuse me, sir,
you're not allowed
to knock down the East
Wing without a permit
from the homeowners
association.
We're going to let
it slide this time.
But next time, you will lose
access to the clubhouse.
[BLEEP] I swear to God,
the United States
Congress is like male nipples.
Why?
Why do you exist?
What do you do?
Nothing.
You do nothing.
You just sit there waiting for
angels to grab you when we die.
[LAUGHTER]
I can't think of anything
more dismissive and
Pete Hegseth Claims U.S. "Didn't Start the War"
arrogant than
this president not
directly addressing
the American people
and explaining this
war more thoroughly.
Well, good morning.
This is not a so-called
regime-change war,
but the regime sure did change.
Oh, for God's sakes.
I stand corrected.
Yes, apparently, the
responsibility of articulating
our nation's military strategy
in Iran fell to alpha-beta alum
Pete Hegseth, whose humility
and "just the facts,
ma'am," approach made
him the perfect vessel
for this important task.
We're not going to go
into the exercise of what
we will or will not do.
We would never, in front
of a press pool,
lay out how long that may take.
Here's exactly
how far we'll go.
Here's what we're
willing to do and not do.
It's foolishness.
We're not dumb about it.
REPORTER: Is there
a concern of this spiraling
into a longer war?
And then one for the chairman
when you're done.
Did you not hear my remarks?
[AUDIENCE GROANING]
Looks like somebody's
been chugging
a little too much Epic Fury.
[LAUGHTER]
I know you're
the Defense Secretary,
but you don't need
to get so defensive.
Right here, please.
I heard the question
about four weeks.
It's the typical NBC sort
of gotcha type question.
Typical gotcha?
How long will
the war last, sir?
Zing!
[LAUGHTER]
But of course, the basic
gist of the briefing
is that the United
States will not
tolerate a country
that worships
this kind of supreme leader.
It took the 47th
president, a fighter
who always puts America first,
to finally draw the line.
It takes guts
to actually enforce it,
and our president has guts.
There's no better communicator
than our president.
He has shown an ability
to do that other presidents
can't quite seem to have
the aperture to do.
You're right.
Nobody's got the laser
focus of one Donald Trump.
Let's go to the president
at the White House
today giving brief
remarks about the war
before a Medal
of Honor ceremony.
Right from the beginning, we
projected four to five weeks,
but we have capability
to go far longer than that.
We'll do it.
Whatever somebody
said today, they
said, oh, well, the president
wants to do it really quickly.
After that, he'll get bored.
I don't get bored.
Laser focused.
You sure don't get bored.
You're not some
three-year-old that
gets easily distracted
by something shiny on the wall.
We have a lot
of great service members
here with us too in this
beautiful building.
Isn't it beautiful?
We're adding on to the building
a little bit.
We're improving the building.
See that nice drape?
I picked those drapes
in my first term.
I always like gold, but I think
we can save a lot of money.
I just saved-- I
just saved curtains.
And it will be-- it
will be spectacular.
It'll be the most
beautiful ballroom--
I believe it-- because I
built many a ballroom,
I believe it's going to be
the most beautiful ballroom
anywhere in the world.
[LAUGHTER]
I can't believe it.
Our bombs are now smarter
than our president.
[LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE]
So we'll-- Jesus.
[VOCALIZATIONS]
Anyway, back to the war.
So, will any
congressional leaders
be more forthcoming with
the American people?
Is anybody going to let the
American people in on the
plan here?
Is there a plan?
Does the president have a plan
to guarantee that that happens?
MAGA Backs Up Trump's Iran Plan
No, it's not his job
or my job to do this.
How many times do
I have to tell you?
Why are you trying
to ruin my war?
[LAUGHTER]
Why?
I just started it.
I'm having such a good time.
I bought a new suit
and shiny shoes,
the kind you put a nickel
in for good luck in my war.
Now, if you'll
excuse me, I have
some celebrity canapés and a
Lime Rickey with my name on it.
Good day.
[LAUGHTER]
I said good day.
This is Trump's America.
Maybe I'm old
fashioned, but even
regimes I disagreed with
respected the American people
enough, or felt some
obligation to at least lie
to us in prime time.
Did anybody get
filled in on this?
An Israeli military
official I spoke to
told me that there
were thousands
of hours of planning between US
and Israeli military officials.
Oh, anything
for the bombing, Bibi.
You told Israel more
than you told us.
But like giving a handjob
on your birthright trip,
it was a secret that
stayed in Israel.
[LAUGHTER]
Yeah, they did it.
They know.
On the bus.
Under the blanket.
They know.
[LAUGHTER]
But all this parsing is
meaningless in the first place.
We can expose the hypocrisy and
contradictions and arrogance
till we're blue
in the Congress.
The right doesn't care.
They supported Trump
for a very particular reason.
A vote for Kamala
Harris is a vote for war.
A vote for Donald Trump
is a vote for a man
who wants to end wars.
The president has
a commitment to peace, frankly,
unlike anything we have seen.
He is the great dealmaker,
The Art of the Deal.
He can negotiate the end
of wars around the world.
He is America's
dealmaker in chief.
He leads from
a position of securing
peace through strength.
That's why they voted
for him, the doctrine, peace
through strength.
And now they support Trump
for a very different reason.
The president is not afraid
to take action with hard power
when necessary.
We have a president that
has finally shown the strength
and boldness that is needed.
The Iranian government found
out what the Trump doctrine
is all about.
And that is mess
around and find out.
Donald Trump has
the guts, the balls,
and the vision to do things
that nobody else will do.
I'm going to leave
the balls thing alone for now.
[LAUGHTER]
But how quickly
the right has gone
from peace through strength
to peace through war.
And we're all just
along for the ride
in a war with no clear
purpose, no end in sight.
It's all just at the whims
of Donald Trump.
You know, you know
what I need right now?
My comfort monkey.
I need my comfort monkey.
[APPLAUSE]
It actually works.
I went after poor
Punch pretty hard
last week, said some
things, but I get it now.
This does help a lot.
By the way, it was crazy.
They were sold out.
And this might get me
in a little bit of trouble.
I had to go to Ishikawa
and take this from Punch.
[LAUGHTER]
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